"Actually feeling like I like life."
Scary isn't it? It really is. But it's.... Nice.
I just joined a film project where I got to manage a casting call tonight and I'm gonna stick with them because I really like them and I can help them out as casting assistant/PA/all around assistant for the project. This should be good, it's called networking and it's something I rarely do even though I am very well aware of how important that is in this industry and hopefully something good should come out of it.
And this whole living thing is working out pretty well. I think that last weekend fiasco cemented something more, I'm not sure. I also am not sure I'm coherent at this point. And it's not even that late. I feel like we've delved into what girls need to delve into when it comes to new relationships and friendships and whatnot and even though we haven't had the outburst that I know is waiting to happen... Well, wait, that's a lie.
I did have my small outburst the other week when I got stuck in a group about politics with her and I legit got a headache halfway through cause I HATE IT. After they left, I may have gone off a little (using a few choice words I don't believe I've spoken around her) about how I see life with politics and God's law versus man's law and pretty much flat out said I don't give a flying fuck about what man does and what laws he sets up. He can do what he wants but in the end God'll reign his law over it all so who cares. I don't care about other people, I don't care about myself, I don't care.
Sidenote. Be careful to not tell people you don't give a damn about yourself too often. It's not always the best idea in the world.
Anyways, that led to the air being open/cleared and then we had a nice talk about relationships and the past and yea. Old news. And I somehow managed to blurt out "I'm alone" yesterday when we were talking which was also not the wisest idea. It was in relation to family dying and I did have to flat out say after my parents are gone, I AM alone. There was no lie or pretense there, just the truth, but I mean... Should people be talking about that stuff?
But I did say I wanted to be more emotionally connected to people. But I mean, I don't know if it's a good idea to just blurt out all your baggage and history and pains and torments just for the hell of it. Time and place thing. Which is why the only attribution left about me has not been discussed, I'm sure. She's seen the scars, she's seen my attitude, but oh boy that would be a whole new can of worms that would take a long time to discuss that we actually don't have. So in the end, it's fine. We did start watching Lost together which has been a nice way of saying "hey I like being around you" and we seem to actively try to find ways to spend time together, but it's still just.... Smaller. Like I said, it's fine. Besides, things will change next week when her best friend comes home from Guatemala and they can be together all the time again like apparently they always are. I can go back to.... Regressing?
But right now, things are ok. Weird.
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