Thinking

I think I need to stop thinking so much in my life. I literally need to close my eyes, and go with whatever flow is around me. I like to think and mull and over analyze and in the end it only makes me feel like crap while everyone around me is completely oblivious that I even feel upset because there's no way they could know. I mean, I need to not be stupid and think when I need to think, but there's just a lot I can't turn my mind off of that is completely unnecessary to even be thought about. And I like things the way they are. And if I don't think about them, they can only get better right? How do you do it? How do you not think about the things that are the most important things in your life that get the least amount of benefit out of thought?

Or maybe it's not thought as much as hope or creating your ideal situations and lives and contacts and communications and moments that just don't work that way in the real world. I had a huge issue with that when I was in high school (though granted I had a huge issue with denial in high school as well), and somehow I found it appropriate back then to let my mind go crazy, maybe if only because I knew anything I dreamt up could never happen or I wanted to have some esp ability that if I thought it up it would happen and I would be a genius or something. I don't think I need to do that now. I don't think it has the best purpose anymore for where I am in life. I think it bothers me more than it helps me. I think there are some things I need to get over. I think I'm too sensitive with some things. I don't think I'm properly closing my eyes and letting the current of this life carry me like it should.

I think I could stand to be a bit more frank. I could stand to be a bit more on top of things. More verbal, speak my mind. Maybe I should stop hiding so much that I hide. But there's a time and place and sometimes I'm not sure that's ready yet. And maybe it isn't. But I need to be more frank. I need to just talk. Be normal. Just be normal. Close your mind and talk. Don't dare try too hard to come up with something to say. Just. Talk. Engage. Engage. Just... Engage.