Anti-Nephilim

So I told my dad about my possession dreams. He wrote them off as "just dreams" at first until I told him how violent they were and that the devil has been there and actually told me to come fly with him. May possibly be the most serious I've ever seen my dad's face. And then he said "I wonder why he would be so afraid of you." That took me back. Cause he's exactly right, why would the devil be afraid of me?

So thanks to my screenplay I'm writing for class, I'm delving into the spiritual warfare side of things (which has always been a favorite topic of mine anyway), and my dad is helping me out whatever way he can. So he brought me upon the terms Nephilim, Emim, Rephaim, and Anakim which I feel like I should've known about for a while but being the bad Christian I am, of COURSE I wouldn't know ANYTHING from the Bible. Anyways. I took to this Nephilim thing quickly. In my mind it clicked perfectly. And I realized that was because I've always been able to sense the Nephilim of the here and now.

Oh, Nephilim (if you don't wanna look it up): Essentially demons. Fallen angels like Lucifer that have affected gene pools to try to stop God's prophecies. Genesis 6:4 and Numbers 13: 33. Supposedly the races (Emim, Rephaim, Anakim) were exterminated way back in Old Testament time, but since these are demonic forces at the root of them and well, they can't really be exterminated, there could be a possibility they're getting stronger again for another war.

Anyway, my entire life I've always been incredibly hyper sensitive to the spiritual presence and nature behind everything, from why a person doesn't signal to change lanes to political choices and in between, I feel the spiritual undertow at work. And this presence never had a name before to me, but Nephilim sums it up perfectly.

And I started thinking back to everything: Why was I so attracted to the supernatural and paranormal since I was incredibly young? I didn't get that from this household. Why do I have such a deep desire to be so close in my faith and relationship with God but I don't fit into the actual human community of a church? Why do I feel and see forces that are not of this world? Why do I act and feel more erratically when an injustice occurs? Why in my dreams am I being fought over? And why would someone jump to the conclusion that I was a threat to the devil?

After telling my dad that in these possession dreams, I've been thrown into walls and ceilings, felt something inside me take my body over, seen and been tempted by the devil, and woken up screaming God's name and that when I'm alone in my apartment I'm sometimes afraid to go to sleep because there is no one around to help me, he assured me that only people of strong spiritual faith would have something like this happen to them, and that the devil can't hurt me, only scare me. And even Jesus was tempted and attacked.

So I came to the conclusion, that maybe I am something important. Maybe I'm an "anti-Nephilim" of sorts. I can see it, discern it, weed it out even when the earthly part of it looks pretty. And I've had such an identity problem even as I'm supposed to have matured as an adult. How is it that I can be so strong and convicted but not get along with anyone who is supposed to be just like me?  Hah, maybe I don't live completely in the real world. Because there is more to this world than our reality. And call me fucking crazy or stupid or psycho Christian or whatever, but maybe I am something more than this worthless human being. And maybe my genes aren't affected, but something is different with me. I really am just a little different than everyone else. Or maybe I am a lunatic. But if I am one, I'm giving myself the title of Anti-Nephilim.