Brave

I was brave today. I pat myself on the back for that one. And I have to admit, I'm quite impressed. I made a cold call to a production company today asking about a job opening I was told of by my screenwriting teacher. Turns out they were quite surprised I knew of this job but welcoming nonetheless and now I need to get a resume and cover letter in order to get it over there as soon as possible. This is my freaking dream job, and I HAVE to do this. Of course now I've gotten thrown off with trying to create a cover letter and resume and worrying that I don't actually have any good things to offer. Even though I've been in a lot of training for many different things. And the other thing is I really am not completely sure what this position actually is... I was just told something in the office for development. That makes it hard to make a cover letter.

I guess maybe the best way I tackle this disorder is when I'm so determined it's at desperation level. Cuz I've been struggling and dying for a job in my actual area of interest and it's just made life extra miserable. So getting this little glimmer of chance threw me over the edge to jump for a second. Just a second though. This doesn't change anything else. Too often I feel too comfortable the way I am even if it is the wrong way. And I feel comfortable not doing certain things because the anxiety overcomes me and I just have to let it go and pretend it never happened, that the notion never existed. But there are these extremely rare moments. And it seems they pay off.

I'd definitely like to say God had a role in this. I really would. It's funny cuz I've been questioning my very existence with Him and then I get my faith questioned by people close to me who I thought understood me. So I try to avoid saying anything is resulted only because of God because I worry it'll make me sound like a hypocrite or else ignorant or something. But I know God works in our lives and I'll just tell them to stick it if they question me or try to call me out on something that only I know the truth of.

So my night ends on a positive note. Providing I figure out what to put in this cover letter and resume business.