Chilling Out

So, I've officially hit every level of crazy, haven't I? Some people aren't talking to me anymore and I have a feeling it is a pretty direct result of this blog. Let me just say I don't have anyone in the real world that I can talk to about these fucked up feelings, so I turn to this partially-anonymous blog for solace. While others use the fully-anonymous viewing to steer clear away from me in the real world. Ah well.

It's funny though. For how little I talk about my private life and self in person, I sure let every little detail spill on this blog. I'm a walking contradiction.

But I'm going to try to chill out. Make my crazy go away. Ok, it won't actually go away but hopefully that intense angst fueled fire has gone out. I'll be changing the title of this thing soon. I think it's obvious now I have some sort of mental personality disorder and since I'm apparently not going to do anything to fix it, there's no reason to have this thing structured the way it is. It was once going to be about self-help, but instead it turned into a sniveling hot bed of whining and self victimizing. I'll probably change it to something along the lines of my struggles with my faith, my life, and my April Rhodes complex.

This was my proof, by the way, that no one likes a person with a mental disorder of any sort. People have always said if a person really cares about you, your downfall doesn't matter, even if it's self-loathing or self-infliction or anorexia or aspergers or borderline personality disorder. It's just not true. The people like me? The ones who were created broken or with missing parts? We're on our own. Best we can do is hide our truth, self medicate what we need, and just pray to God that we don't let our masks slip for one millisecond when we're out in the real world.

So. I'll chill. Sorry for the inconvenience of making you uncomfortable.