Things I've Learned

There are a few things I've learned this past weekend about myself and just life in general.

I'm getting closer to understanding the way my mind works the more I journal and discuss with family. There's a part of my brain that doesn't retain emotional connections with people so every time I see them or hang out with them, it's like I'm starting from scratch just meeting them for the first time. No matter how many times I've actually seen them. Makes making friendships a little difficult. And looking back, I pretty much know exactly when it started: the transition from 8th to 9th grade. Interesting, interesting...

I've also learned I may freak myself out too much over social activities such as going to wedding receptions or having bonfires for Halloween. I second guess and question myself in motives and worry that I won't be able to take the social interaction properly. And so far I seem to be surprised when things actually turn out well. But in a way I like to think the worst will happen, then I'll get a good surprise when it doesn't.

I'm realizing that marriage is kind of as simple as "hold my fork." It's a personal symbolism that I don't need to delve into. And I'm beginning to think I could handle marriage if my marriage is as simple as living a bonfire life. More symbolism. I know what I mean.

People don't actually change that much. They grow up and mature, but their core personalities and quirks will always be there. And even if you haven't seen each other for years, if you let your guard down, if you don't think, if you live in the moment, you capture the essence of the past. And that essence is all you need.

And people aren't as put together as you think they are. And no matter how well you think you know a friend, they will surprise you. For you don't know their minds and souls and just because their personalities can be more outgoing, it doesn't mean their living life more amazingly and more excitingly than you are. And there are many different definitions of success. And I'm not nearly as put together as I thought I was.

This was a successful venture then. I'm genuinely surprised but happy about it. Who knew Halloween could do that?