Understanding

I'm frustrated. A little worried, and that's what frustrates me. I can't stop that this is the way I react to things and think about past events and future happenings and that's who I am as a person. But it frustrates me to know the person I care about is not this same way and cannot fully understand it nor work with me through the process. And so it frustrates me that I don't feel like I can talk and explain it when it starts happening. And I know he's asked in the past just to try to understand what I'm going through, but I assume listening and trying to take any of it in and to heart wears on his emotional capacity, so I try to do it sparingly and when I know he's in a healthy enough place to hear it.

Well, he has 3 jobs now. All kind of part of the same company, but he's doing 3 different people's jobs, and it's a lot for him. In fact, he's warned me that until it settles and gets sorted in April, he's going to be tired and won't be able to really be emotionally available for me at all. It's been a week, and I think I did really well understanding when I was with him. I'm trying to keep life easy and be chill and be more decisive and make or contribute to dinner and not be physically pushy and be too much *there.* But it's only been a week. And I had been feeling close to him recently because we were having meaningful conversations and were connecting and he was reciprocating. But now all I'm feeling is disconnection.

He can't give me what I need. I guess I require a lot of emotional care or something. Not really, it's just how I connect, and it's the opposite of anything he can do. So I know he has to work at it. But he has to use it to fuel himself through this work crap. But now because of this "emotional" thing, I don't feel like I can talk to him about anything. I'm afraid anything I talk about that is serious and meaningful and directly affecting the relationship he won't be able to contribute to and will shut down or just break up with me altogether. That's what happened the first time; his emotional capacity was so drained that he just quit and we were done. And I'm scared.  I'm worried I can't get through the next 5 months without fucking myself over somehow. Like I've said, I'm working on just emotionally disconnecting so it's easier to be around him.

I'm just not sure I'll be able to come back from it.

How do I bring up this concern? How do I bring up my concern that I'm not sure we have the same stance as far as children in the future go? How do I bring up that is stupid comment about "can I break up with you so I can have a cat" hurt me and scares me? How do I bring up that I'd like to know if marriage is a thought that has even crossed his mind or something he's interested in (just in a whole)? This is very serious stuff, and it requires serious emotional intimacy power that I don't know if he has.

And the frustrating thing is he always tells me to look on the bright side of things and to not remember bad times (such as the things I try to prevent) but good times that we've had, and if he knew this was all I was thinking about, would it annoy him? Would it just shut him down period? It's so frustrating, I don't know what to do. I would do anything to keep this relationship going and will work for it, which is why I'm trying to be as understanding as possible, but sometimes I question if he's in the same place. I have to assume I suppose, but when he never actually says that straight out, it can be hard to tell. And now this new development... It's not an excuse or scapegoat really, but it's convenient for him to not have to work. I know one of the things that he said upsets him is how I talk about being scared of things and he thinks it's him. It's not exactly, but I can't say I'm not scared right now. I can't say I can't think of about 100 things that have to do with us that doesn't scare me in some way. And that is unfortunate more than anything else. It's sucky. And I just don't know what to do.