Update on my non-existent no-one-gives-a-damn life:
I had a second interview for a production intern. All seemed well, I seemed in, she seemed ready to get me going, she was going to get schedules worked out and then email everyone...
Week and a half later and nothing. And this time, I'm beyond the point of fighting for this shit. Whoever these people are, they are assholes. They lied about positions for me and they couldn't even give me a "sorry we just don't think you're right" email out of gratitude. If this is the industry, count me out. I don't need to be around lying, disrespectful, pretentious assholes. Ya'll can go to hell. You hear that God? They're going to hell.
And I'll still play the "God has a plan for me and I'll let him lead me" card, but I can't wait for something that is never going to happen. I just wanted to know if I was going in the right direction career-wise or if I should start looking for some clerical assistant position to be with for the rest of my life. I didn't get an answer. But I didn't get this chance on a film, so I guess that means I need to clip my wings, knock myself off this pedestal, and submit to a typical Midwestern lifestyle. I can live at home, work in an office, and go out to the bars on weekends.
Speaking of bars and weekends... This past weekend I actually decided to drive the three hours south to visit a friend who was celebrating her husband's birthday. Oh there's a lot of back story with us three needless to say, but I bit the bullet because I have been SO isolated. Haven't been hanging out with my friends up here because I hit my quota of coupleness. So how ironic I went down to spend a weekend with another couple. Hypocrite much?
It turned out to be ok, and possibly more pleasant than my usual normal visits with friends up here. Although the drinking part may have helped that. I told my mom I could handle being around him if I was drunk, and I was right. But also it was nice because she has girlfriends that we can hang out with as well. And they all have boyfriends, but that wasn't the big deal. It was girls' night out. And it was fun going out to Chinese, just the five of us. In a lot of ways, I really just wanted to stay down there. I'm not doing anything with my life, so there's no reason I can't just stay at some random person's house and hang and not do anything there with them. And I think the hubby wanted to bond with me a little more. And honestly? I kinda wanted to bond with him a bit more too.
Downside. I cannot be in environments with cats. Even though they had a very nice closed off guest room I could sleep in, it did not stop my allergies from attacking me. By the end of the weekend I could barely talk from a sore throat, and my sinuses were relentless. Two days later and I'm still fighting off a sinus infection. I would love to go visit them again. But if that happens, I'm staying at a hotel.
Best part of the weekend is I didn't have to think about anything. I could just have fun and wonder what hairstyle I would do the next day. The second I came home, a rush of disappointment and pain came screaming back to me. Now I'm back in a limbo of dissatisfaction, frustration, and turmoil. Nothing changed over the weekend. And of course it wouldn't have because I have to change it. But I'm still stuck trying to understand who I am and where to go. The girls I hung out with were all nurses, which was cool and I liked hearing their stories. But I didn't completely fit after all. I'm a wild card. People say I'm unique, but being unique doesn't make your path of life any easier.
I guess it's a good thing I'm still sick. I'm allowed to go to bed early (er). And I'm allowed to dope myself up on medication. I really hope I sleep through the night this time.
So screw you, rollercoaster of emotions. You're done. No more ups and downs. I'm back to the down. Just how I like it.
No comments:
Post a Comment