Reality Check

I need to stop and take a minute and collect what I wanted to do with this blog. Thoughts are everywhere and they're not all conducive to what I wanted to convey on this blog. I wanted this blog to be my chronicling of trying to figure out my disorder through therapy and challenges and treatment. The outcomes, feelings, and stories were going to come naturally from that and knowing me, there probably would be some amusing stories out of trying to be "social." However, the problem has become since my freak accident I have not been to therapy and I have not started treatment so I have nothing to talk about in that respect. I still have plenty to talk about; plenty is always on my mind, but I don't want to detract from what this place was supposed to be about. I need to step back, collect myself, my thoughts, my ambitions, and then get going on this again. I'll get through this reality check.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Or does it just make the heart forget?

I've been away from the computer, away from interaction, and back in the hospital and I haven't had a lot of time to think about people and things that make me feel (for a lack of a better word) complicated. I really don't have time at this point in my life for extra emotional baggage; there's enough of that floating around just trying to adapt to my situation.

I only know that when I'm back on the computer, online in my "old" environment, I feel somewhat replaced and like soon I won't matter much to some people because they have my replacement around them that is better than me. Better than me because I've walled myself up and put up a hostile front from this lingering personality disorder problem. Heck, I'd rather hang out with my replacement than me. And now I feel like there's not much I can talk about anymore and any of the little quirks that made me feel so close to the others aren't there anymore. They get to do that with all these new people and I'm left behind.

Let's keep this absence thing going.