Intro

Just a girl trying to live as simply as possible and failing at it. Product of my surroundings, I adapt to my environments. But that's not to say I walk away unaffected. Every experience I have shapes me, stays with me and molds me into what people see in front of them in person and in writing.

Things that are a part of me:
~My faith
~My desire for community
~My love of theatre
~My borderline personality disorder
~My solitude
~My body image
~My country/redneck background I try so desperately to conceal
~The stars in my eyes

And the insecurity I have about them all.


Disclaimer: This is not a happy blog. We aren't always happy and we need outlets to get that out. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves. This is my outlet. You don't like it, just move on.

If you would like to see happy, check out my tumblrs instead: MTKCBMQ and Randomnymity

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Speak Now

I have a lot on my mind, but haven't said anything cause I'm just not sure how to say it. I keep thinking in song lyrics which does no good for a blog since well, you can't hear said song lyrics so it just looks stupid in writing. But I'll just use them to start I guess.

"I've nothing to say." "You have many things." "Well nothing that's not been said."
~Sunday in the Park with George, Stephen Sondheim

How I feel. I do have a lot to say but nothing that I feel I haven't said before. I feel like I've been turned into a bad guy and I feel angry. I'm annoyed that even though I've stayed neutral and never insulted a group of people, or questioned other people's desires or faiths or what makes them who they are, I still get attacked and pinned as a bad person. I can't really beat around the bush with this anymore because it's just eating me and I can't be particularly metaphorical either because there's just no way to do that either. I never understand what I do to people that make them turn their backs on me. I've taught myself to not be confrontational and stay coy and demure out of fear that my normal personality and attitude are not becoming to others. Bad experience a long time ago that hasn't left me I guess. And this upsets me.

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life."
~How to Save a Life, The Fray

Well I guess that should be pretty self explanatory. I'd like to say I feel that remorseful about the situation, but I'm getting past that point. How can I be all to blame for something? But you know what? That's what people do, they put all the blame on the other person because that's the way people's minds works. So I guess we just have to accept that and move on. And maybe I'm feeling better because I'm finally getting this out. What do they call that? Closure?

And in the words of Rachel Green ala Friends:

"I am OVER a-you. And that, my friend, is what they call... CA-LOSURE."

No more speaking is necessary.
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